


We're Fucked Up

by Darth_Rainbow_Queen_Of_Coconuts



Category: MCU, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Beta who? Never heard of her, I am running out of Steve/Bruce and Bucky/Bruce content so I made some, M/M, Multi, Rebecca Gillies is an icon, Steve is a boy, What am I doing with my life?, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 07:40:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19970416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darth_Rainbow_Queen_Of_Coconuts/pseuds/Darth_Rainbow_Queen_Of_Coconuts
Summary: "I'm gonna tell Bruce..." Steve said, shrugging his shirt back on. Bucky sighed deeply. They'd had that conversation a thousand times already.Steve did not tell Bruce. Instead he walked into the male's lab, found that Tony wasn't there and fucked his significant other on a desk. Then he kissed Bruce, and he kissed Bruce, hard, long, fast, slow, peppered kisses on every inch of bare skin or a proper make out. He did because he could.





	We're Fucked Up

"I'm gonna tell Bruce..." Steve said, shrugging his shirt back on.

Bucky sighed deeply. They'd had that conversation a thousand times already. It was ridiculous. "No, you're not, you love me, sure. But remember, I'm not in love with you."

Steve's jaw clenched. "And he loves me right, I know. But Buck."

The sergeant snarled. "Don't call me that, your best friend's dead, Steve. You're clinging onto a ghost and I'm a shell eager to be filled. This isn't something. There's nothing to tell. It's just sex."

The blond's eyes fell shut, fists clenching. "That's why I have to tell him."

Bucky chuckled, shifting into the bed to get out of it and stand before the blond. "Look at me." Steve shook his head. Bucky sighed, putting his flesh hand on top of Steve and slowly bringing it to his lips. He pressed a wet yet reverent kiss to every single knuckle, one by one, feeling the hand unclenching. Steve reopened his eyes a wounded look in them. The Winter Soldier smiled, cupping the male's face in his hands. Steve looked like a boy. Not physically. But with his eyes. He looked at things with the vision of a boy, awed, curious, hopefully yet seeking for the underlying threat. It was beautiful. And Bucky was selfish enough to take bits and pieces. He figured it was fine as long as he left a functioning whole to Banner. Steve closed his eyes, blushing under the scrutiny. The sergeant leant forward, taking the other male's lower lip between his teeth and tugging softly when Steve further parted his lips. He pulled away when Steve tried to kiss him. Sex was over. The blond was no longer his. A goodbye kiss would mean too much.

~*~

Steve did not tell Bruce. Instead he walked into the male's lab, found that Tony wasn't there and fucked his significant other on a desk. Then he kissed Bruce, and he kissed Bruce, hard, long, fast, slow, peppered kisses on every inch of bare skin or a proper make out. He did because he could. Because he wanted. He craved. And he craved. Not skin on skin but loving. Bruce understood. He always selfishly did, craving the exact same thing. Thus the scientist gave as good as he received, wanton yet loving. A fine line to thread for two powerful men. Neither exactly possessive yet not exactly eager to share. Bruce could smell Bucky all over Steve though. Hulk wanted to punch Steve. So Bruce kissed the blond harder to silence the thoughts. "Dinner, tonight?" Steve asked, pulling away, breathless and ruined. A wounded boy so beautifully ruined. Bruce smiled and nodded. Steve left to punch a bag until the guilt for feeling no guilt for making love to his best friend and fucking his lover would pass.

~*~

Bruce, once properly dressed, went to find Bucky. Turns out he was in the shower. The male waited, in the living part room of his quarters. After a hour, Bruce got concerned. So he knocked at the door of the bathroom. No reply. He pushed it open. Within seconds the steam had completely fogged his glasses. "Mr Barnes?" He called, then snorted at the irony. They were fucking the same guy, surely that warranted a closeness past last names. No reply. Carefully, Bruce pushed the curtain a bit. A single drop was enough to make his skin burn. Concerned, the good doctor, though he vehemently claimed not to be that kind, rushed forward to turn the water off. "What in the bloody hell were you—mph!" Slightly chapped, incredibly warm lips pressed into his. How fucked up was this? How fucked up was he? How fucked up were they? Bruce wondered as he allowed the kiss to continue, enough to lead Bucky out of the shower. He then pulled away, panting a bit, his purple button up completely soaked by the wet hair and overall body of the other male. "Mr Barnes." Bucky chuckled. At least it sounded less painful than 'Buck'. "Are you okay?" The sergeant laughed at the incongruity of the situation. "I know you have heightened senses, surely that pain... How long were you even in there?" Bruce asked, concerned as he observed the reddened skin of the other man with a scientific interest.

"Since..." Bucky shook his head in a dismissive manner, as if it didn't matter.

Bruce nodded. "So since Steve left you, alright. That makes approximately two hours."

Bucky's jaw clenched. "He told you?"

The scientist furrowed his brows. "What?" He asked, not exactly listening to the other male as he wondered what would help the burns best.

"Steve. He finally told you about us?"

Bruce chuckled. "No, Steve actually kissed the life out of me. You make him particularly affection deprived, he pours it all into you." He declared, very factually before heaving a sigh. "I've always known. He smells like you all the time." He told Bucky, taking the metal hand to lead him inside the shower.

"Are you gonna come with, doctor?" The sergeant asked teasingly, as a way to cope with the current situation. Bruce shrugged, turning on the cold water, and waiting until it was lukewarm to position Bucky under it.

"Do you own a bathrobe ?" Bruce asked. The sergeant just chuckled. "I'll take it as a no. Sheets will do then. Bless Tony's money for the quality of the sheet."

Bucky frowned. The scientist was neither angry nor mean, just... Caring. "Why?"

Bruce frowned. "Why what, Mr Barnes?"

Bucky's jaw clenched. "Buck."

Bruce rose an eyebrow. "You want me to refer to you as... Buck?" Bucky nodded. "Are you trying to annoy Steve ? That'd be awfully petty." Bruce pointed out.

Bucky shrugged. "I don't know. It feels less wrong than Mr Barnes in your mouth."

Bruce nodded. "Alright, Buck. Why what?" The sergeant positioned himself to be able to see the scientist as he'd answer the question.

"Why are you so nice to me?"

Bruce shrugged. "Steve loves you. And I, well, I care for Steve." He smiled a bit. "Stop taking pieces away, Mr Ba-Buck. You won't be able to rebuild him in a discreet corner like a bunch of Legos. You'll leave him broken."

Bucky nodded. "Alright, I'll stop seeing him then."

Bruce vehemently shook his head. "Please, don't. That'd shatter him. Just... Take him. Take him as a whole, like he currently is. And put back the pieces you already took too. Just complete the puzzle."

Bucky chuckled, humorlessly. "I'm not good for him."

Bruce sighed. "You're not letting yourself be, for my sake. But Steve wouldn't have to run to me, if he could truly have you. The guilt is gonna choke him one day. Save him from himself. You love him already. Just allow yourself to be in love with him." The good doctor kindly spoke, as if explaining something to a child he knew wasn't stupid but simply needed to catch up on what was happening.

"What about you? Where do you fit?" Bucky inquired.

"I don't. Not in that picture. But I'm a big boy. I don't mind just taking the picture as long as the people on it are happy. Now, I'm going to wait outside, try to remain under the water 10 more minutes or so." Bucky nodded. Orders he could take. Better than kindness.

As promised, when Bucky walked out of the shower, naked and soaked, Bruce was waiting for him in his room. Without a word, the scientist wrapped the muscular man in a white sheet. If he could manhandle Thor, Bruce knew he could manhandle anyone. "Don't rub your skin. Just let it dry. Now soldier, I'm going to need you to sit down." He spoke and gestured at the edge of the bed with his gaze. Bucky followed it and nodded. He silently sat down and watched move. The scientist disappeared in the bathroom for a little while, going through different drawers to find a small towel. Then he returned and wrapped Bucky's hair in it. "I've done some babysitting for Pepper and Tony. After taking a little girl to the pool several times, you pick up on how to properly wrap hair in a towel." He spoke, answering Bucky's question before he could ask. "Will you be okay if I simply throw a blanket over you and walk away?" Bruce asked genuinely, expecting honesty in return. Something in his gaze made Bucky tell him the truth.

"I don't know." Bruce smiled a bit.

"That honesty Mr Buck," He caught himself earlier this time. That made Bucky grin a bit. "is exactly what tells me you will be. At least for tonight. Just get into your PJ's once you're dry, and watch some romantic comedy. Remaining under a warm blanket is mandatory. Doctor's orders."

Bucky narrowed his eyes. "I thought you weren't that kind of doctor."

Bruce chuckled. "I'm definitely not." He spoke and threw a blanket at the supersoldier. "I might stop back later on to check up on you, but for now, I have a dinner to attend." Bucky nodded, a little saddened as he watched Bruce go for some reason.

~*~

"I'm breaking up with you." Was the first thing Steve heard when Bruce sat across from him, at their table on the terrace of Steve's quarters. The blond furrowed his brows, lightly tilting his head to the side. "Why?" He asked, blinking away the shock.

Bruce shrugged. "I don't know. Perhaps because you don't love me."

Steve's eyes widened. That was so not true. It would've made things a lot simpler if it had been. "I do, I really do, love you Bruce." He spoke, voice altered by how hard the fear of loosing Bruce had hit him. He just, couldn't. The scientist sighed deeply, looking at a scared twenty something boy, clearly out of his depths. He smiled a bit. Could he truly indulge that farce to go on any further ? No, Steve needed to be free. He deserved that much.

"I love you too, Steve." He answered before his own smile dimmed.

"Then why, why are you..." The blond blinked longly, refusing to let his eyes water.

"Why am I breaking up with you? Because one of us needs to before we start resenting each other. I don't want to call you out on your behavior. You're grown enough to know what you're doing. And we never promised each other anything but to see how things would go, one day at a time. I'm not mad about you being in love with Bucky, if anything I'm sorry I stood in the way of him reciprocating it. I won't anymore. Not further. The sex is amazing. Our conversations too. That's why I have no doubt we'll manage to remain good friends." Steve was... Stunned. And stung. Bruce had done what the Captain should've done himself. And had handled it much better than Steve could've ever expected.

"I... I understand. Thank you, Bruce." The scientist smiled kindly.

"You deserve to be happy Steve, even if it's not with me." With that, he stood up from his chair. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to return to my lab. I'm honestly not exactly hungry anymore." Steve just found it himself to nod, still rather dumbfounded. How had this just happened ? Why was he not running after a man he loved? Because logic? Because he loved Bucky more? That wasn't even true. It had seemed so this morning. But it wasn't true. And Bucky probably knew it. That's why he'd made sure Steve would always be able to return to Bruce. Because he needed Bruce, like he needed his brain to function. He needed Bucky too, like he needed oxygen to be able to breathe. What did that mean? And what was he supposed to do now that he no longer had both?

~*~

When the elevator dinged announcing someone stopping by his floor, Bucky couldn't help but grin. "I'm under the blanket doctor, I swear." He spoke loudly. When Steve came to sight, entering his bedroom, Bucky frowned. "Steve? What's wrong?"

The blond tilted his head to the side. "Who were you expecting exactly?" He asked.

Bucky's jaw clenched for a second before he cleared his throat. "Well, Bruce said he'd stop by to check up on me so..."

Steve frowned. "Have you been fucking him too? All this time?"

Bucky scoffed then sighed. "I..." He shook his head. "Nevermind."

Steve's brows grew further knitted together. "No, stop doing that. Stop being so darn evasive. Tell me. What?"

The sergeant sighed deeply. "I've burnt myself under the shower. Bruce helped me with that and said he'd stop by later to check up on me. Nothing else."

The Captain nodded. It did sound like his selfless boyfriend. Well, ex-boyfriend. Sighing, he sat at the edge of the bed, facing away from his best friend. "I'm sorry for accusing you. It's just that... Bruce broke up with me. He knows about us."

Bucky nodded. "I know. He told me he wanted us to be happy together." Steve sighed heavily. Yet again with the annoying selflessness. "But he doesn't understand that you can't be happy without him..." Bucky timidly added, glancing at the muted screen of his PC displaying Rebecca Gillies kissing Bridget Jones.

Steve heaved a long sigh. "Yeah... I mean, you're both two great men, and I? I can't settle. Am I fucked up Buck?" For once, the nickname didn't seem quite as painful. Perhaps because he'd finally made it his in the first place, instead of being presented with a fait accompli, as if he just had to accept to be 'Buck'.

"I purposefully burnt myself, I wanted to hurt, I let the skin turn red, for a good while. I thought it'd drown the guilt." He chuckled.

"Drown the guilt under the shower..." Steve couldn't find it in himself to appreciate the irony. He just sighed. "We're fucked up, Buck."

The sergeant chuckled. "We're fucked up." They shared a glance and smiled to one another for a second, before guilt nipped at Bucky's heart. "Steve I, I kissed Bruce. I wanted to know what made him so addictive." He blurted out, scared but relieved. The blond remained silent but nodded, giving his best friend some room to continue the confession. "I understand. I think. It has nothing to do with the kisses."

Steve chuckled, glancing into the distance. "No, it hasn't."

The sergeant wetted his bottom lip. "It's the care, isn't it? Feeling like you matter to someone just because you are?" Steve silently nodded, tight-lipped. "I'm sorry you lost that."

Steve shrugged. "At least I've still got you."

Bucky smiled a bit. "'Till the end of the line, buddy."

Steve smiled after hearing the words being spoken. "'till the end of the line." He repeated, blinking teary-eyed.

"Wanna watch Bridget Jones' baby with me?" Steve laughed at the question and eagerly nodded.

~*~

"We need a doctor." Steve said, entering Bruce's lab the following day.

The scientist sighed. "Who's we?" He asked, looking up from his calculations. He blinked when he saw Bucky standing beside Steve. "You're supersoldiers, you'll heal, won't you?" The scientist rhetorically asked, rather confused.

Bucky shook his head. "We're fucked up, Doc."

Bruce chuckled. "Aren't we all here?" He asked, unnecessarily readjusting his glasses on his nose.

"He has a point." Steve admitted, looking at Bucky.

"Yes, yes, he does. But he's obviously missing ours there." The sergeant answered, focusing back on Bruce. "We don't want you to take the picture. We want you in, the picture. That's what would make us happy."

Bruce's eyes widened. "I..." His mouth hanged opened for a few seconds before he wetted his upper lip, perplexed. "It's all rather sudden..."

Steve rose an eyebrow. "Is it though? You've known about Bucky and I for months and it has never truly bothered you. The only thing that would change is that eventually, there'd be a Bucky and you, too."

Bruce sighed deeply. "Why would any of you want that, I... I'm..."

"Fucked up? Yes. We know. So are we. But if in the midst of all that mess, we can find happiness in one another, why not?" Steve asked.

"He's right Doc, stop trying to rebuild yourself together and let us put some of our pieces on your Lego construction." Steve furrowed his brows at the odd metaphor but remained silent.

Bruce's lips lightly curled up. "That surely will make an eclectic construction." He spoke, standing up.

"Well, as long as the foundations are solid, it should work out." Bucky answered, taking a careful step toward the doctor.

"What if it seriously bends?" Bruce asked. 

"I'm sure that between the three of us we'll find something to make it work out. Our very own tower of Pisa."

Bruce chuckled, taking a step toward the other man. "What if it shatters?" He asked, seriously.

"Then we'll pick up the pieces so we can and try to rebuild something." Bucky answered, standing right in front of him.

"Seems risky." The good doctor said.

The sergeant smiled. "Will that stop you?" He asked, leaning in just a bit, to leave room for Bruce to get away. The doctor closed the distance between them, kissing the other male slowly, exploringly. They took their sweet time, mapping each other's mouth, discovering each other's body with careful touches. It was a balance to find and fine tune. A work that would take time.

Bruce pulled away. Both he and Bucky glanced at Steve. "Is that... Okay?" Bucky carefully asked his best friend. Steve silently nodded, cheeks a little flushed.

"I, it's just... It's different. It's a sight I'm not quite accustomed to."

Bruce nodded. "If it feels too foreign and odd, it's still possible to stop things."

Steve sighed. "No, no, I think I just selfishly wanted the both of you to want me." The 'without wanting each other' was implied. "m

"You can't have the both of us like that..." Bruce started.

"It's not fair." Bucky finished.

"I know. It just feels like it went from zero to a hundred too fast for me to catch up. I know it's selfish but I don't want to loose either of you." Bruce furrowed his brows, trying to grasp where Steve was going.

Bucky understood much faster. "You're not gonna loose either. I'd never do that to you."

Steve chuckled humorlessly. "But I did it, to the both of you..."

Bruce finally caught up. Oh. Guilt fed fears faster than any army could find cannon fodder to sacrifice. "Steve, the both of us were aware of what was going on. We did this to ourselves. Because the both of us loved you too much to let go of you."

Bucky nodded. "Even if the Doc and I grew to love each other, which will probably take us ages seen the amount of trauma and triggers we cumulate between us, we wouldn't stop loving you." Bruce smiled a bit, realizing just how aware Bucky was of the twenty-something, battered and bruised, conflicted boy stuck in an invincible man's body. He watched the sergeant grow closer to his best friend, and reached out for Steve's clenched fist with his flesh hand. Then slowly bring it to his lips, to press a wet yet reverent kiss to every single knuckle, one by one, feeling the hand unclenching. Steve's eyes trailed to him, Bruce, a slight flush on his cheeks as he awaited for a silent approval. The scientist nodded, the hint of a smile on his lips as he watched Steve search for Bucky's eyes before pressing a languid kiss to them.

~*~

This, is nowhere near the end of their story, and even further from a happy ending. They still have a fuck ton of things to work out. Three barely functional male trying to figure out polyamory, eagerly pouring their love in any recipient so they wouldn't have to love themselves. It promised to be painful, messy and difficult. But for some reason, the three of them found a certain something worth pursuing in that budding relationship. Something that couldn't quite be named yet but could grow to be a four letter word starting with an L and ending with a E. Or maybe two.

**Author's Note:**

> PS : the two words are LovE and LifE


End file.
